Words (a 5 part poem)

Caged Words.

I never liked words.

They were each a cage, locking their sounds and meanings up deep inside without me.

I never could break those words out.

I never could free

them.

Quickly, I grew tired of the challenge.

Finding the key to release the poor helpless word was just too hard.

I hated them. The words

Anger and sadness filled my heart.

It wasn’t the words that deserved that hate though

It was me.

~~~~

Caged Bird

Denial. Blame.

i blamed the words, i denied it being my problem, for I knew if i admitted, if I told the silent symbols it was my fault, my hate would change to self-loathing

It did…

Disgust. Worthlessness. Disappointment. Self-esteem. Stupidity.

It wasn’t the words that were caged

i was the caged voice, trying to find her voice

I was the caged bird.

i had nothing, i wanted words, craved them. Needed them.

My soul was parched

Years of work, to free them. But no, no one knew it was me who needed to be free

They thought the words were to blame

No one knew it was the words flying away on the page, the meaningless mute lines that needed to be caught.

The voiceless, caged girl who needed to be freed.

A voiceless bird, a worthless bird.

Wings but nowhere to fly

Intelligence but no key

If I could not have a voice through words, I would have one through song

~~~

Caged Voice

One source of freedom, a different kind of voice, one I loved but not the one I needed… still I was grateful

A caged bird I was, but a singing one

I know why the caged bird sings,

I was a caged bird.

I had no words, but the cage could not lock my voice as well as my mind.

I wanted to know what was behind the wall! I wanted to understand what mysteries the lines without meanings held within them. I couldn’t catch those words as they flew around me, whizzing by my ears, just out of my grasp.

But I could catch song. Words put to music. The rhythm I could feel, their meanings not so much a mystery

The heart inside me beating fast for the words was

slowed

Singing was my Novocain. The pain was not all the way gone, but numbed. but not for long.

I know why the caged bird sings. I was one. My only freedom

I needed words, but I only received a voice. My only freedom.

~~~

Caged Book

Hidden in a book, the symbols were beginning to slow down

Reading. The gift of reading given as the yearning for words began to throb again.

Song cannot replace word

The weight of the shelves grew

My mind stretched.

They were just out of my grasp!

Come to me, come words, please I need you!

They didn’t hear. The throb of the need for the words returned.

Song cannot replace word

Books could not replace words

Emotions swirled.

Did those marks covering the pages have meanings?

Losing hope quickly…

~~~~

Caged Chained Lost Found

Longing. Desire. Free the mysteries, please…

After traveling along on a long treasure hunt, the keys were found

Ivy, Mom, and Barton were their names.

I was free

Sharpening my pencil, wiring more and more to grow in skill

my books were still my

escape.

My song was still my

release.

But words took the need away, Filled the need

Words took their rightful place.

I needed words

I was caged and given song

I was chained and given books

I was lost and given keys

I was found by words

I know what the caged bird does when she does not sing,

She writes,

she reads

She writes, 

she reads

           She writes