The Wood Chapter 4

Chapter 4~

Letting herself quietly in to her house, Cossette hurries up the stairs to her room. The butterflies haven’t gone back to bed yet, and they are flapping wildly in her stomach. The thought of Fin’s pirate smile adds an extra beat to her heart. He almost kissed me…. I thought he was going too! He almost kissed me! In her slippered feet she does a little twirl and her dark purple skirt billows out around her. A giggle escapes from her lips as she opens her bedroom door. Quickly slipping into her night gown and snuggling under the covers, as she closes her eyes, a thunderous bash of noise startles her. A flash of light shines through her curtains. A storm this late in the season? Another crash of thunder is followed by a timid knock.

“Cosy?”

Out of bed and to the door she opens it to see wide eyed fearful Callabear standing there, thumb in his mouth quivering. A taller dark shadow hangs back.

“I don’t like thunder either Calla.” Cossette scoops up the little toddler and holds him like a baby. Tucking him into bed with her she holds him close and strokes his baby soft hair as his trembling begins to slow.

“I don’t like the noise Cosy. Can you turn it off?”

“I can’t Bear, but you can sleep here with me tonight, ok?”

Nodding his head he snuggles close. Another knock on her partly open door.

“Come on in Coal, bring Lib with you.”

The two older boys, about seven and ten to Fin’s estimation, walk in.

“Come on, you can keep me and Bear company. We don’t like storms.”

With a responsibility to take care of Callabear and Cossette in mind, Lib climbs up into bed and plops down next to Cos.

“There’s still room Coal if you want to join us.”

“No that’s ok.” Coal drags a rocking chair close to the bed and sits down, pulling his knees to his chest. As Calla’s heart quickens with the next beat of the far away drum, an idea pops into  Cossette’s head.

“You guys have had storms living with Fin right?” Slow head shakes all around. “Well you know what Fin does when there’s a storm! We will tell a story, I’ll go first. And when you hear a loud drum beat in the music again, my turn is over and Calla you add another piece to the story. And so on. Make sense?”

“But Cosy we don’t have any music.”

“Don’t you hear it? Listen close, there’s a dancer on the roof tap dancing to the beat quite quickly. There that big bang? That’s the drum beat. And that whooshing sound is a wind pipe. Fin has a wind pipe, it’s like a flute except makes a more deep sound when you blow into the top.”

Coal keeps his face straight, uninterested but still slightly apprehensive.

“I hear it Cosy! It’s beautiful.”

“Isn’t, Lib? It’s my favorite song. Ready to begin our game then? I’ll start. All good stories start the exact same way. Once upon a time, in a far off kingdom, there was a Forest Fairy and a Lost Boy. Except the Lost Boy wasn’t a boy anymore, he had grown up into an adult. The Forest Fairy and the Lost non-Boy were very good friends. They took care of the forest animals. There were only three forest animals.” A low rumble breaks the tap tap of the dancer on the tin roof.

“My turn! Ok so there was one raccoon named, um Lintin and a squirrel named CalBin and a uh…”

“A pig named Cowin!” Fits of laughter took in, even a small smile crossed Coal’s lips at Lib’s teasing. Another rumble.

“The Forest Fairy and Lost non-Boy loved the three animals, even the pig even though he could be grouchy sometimes.” A giggle from Calla broke into Lib’s story. “The Forest Fairy lived in a treehouse and the Lost non-Boy lived in the tree with the three forest animals” A deep boom cut the air.

 “The Fairy and non-Boy liked each other, that mushy gushy kind of like. But they wouldn’t tell each other cuz they were wusses. But one day the non-Boy asked the loyal pig Cowin to give the Fairy a note. You see the non-Boy’s heart still hurt from sad days a while back. But he didn’t want to lose the Fairy. A lot of guys liked her because she was very pretty and kind.” Rumble rumble.

“But above all that silly like, the Fairy and non-Boy loved and took care of those animals very very well. Because those animals taught the Fairy how to love again. You see the Fairy’s parents had died and left her all alone when she was just 15. And the animals showed her it’s ok to love.”

By now no one is paying attention to the thunder and lightning, and is soly focused on Cossette as she tried to change the plot.

“Well the animals taught non-Boy how to sing like the birds! They taught him all kinds of bird sounds. Sounds that were taught to them by their sky parents.”

“What’s a sky parent Call?” Coal asks suspiciously.

“I don’t know, but it sounds cool.”

“What happens next?”

“Oh um the five of them go to the top of the mountain and live there in the snow!”

“That’s a good idea Call! Lib what did they do in the snow?”

A big yawn is Libtree’s first answer. “Well they build snowpeople! And have a snowpeople wedding! The snow Fairy queen and the snow Lost man king.”

By this time Cossette and the boys are all laughing. But she couldn’t get that day when the five of them had gone swimming and Fin had shook his head like a dog sending water droplets everywhere as his ear length dark brown hair hung flat and heavy by the water. His toned chest and strong arms that threw Calla in the air and easily caught him. Those arms that tossed reluctant Coal into the water. Those arms that had dunked Cossette under. Those arms that held her close mere hours ago. Cos misses him. Really misses him. And wishes he was there for the story.

“And the snow family and the crazy animal fairy Lost family lived happily ever after!”

“How’d you know all stories end like that Coal?” Cossette is pulled out of her dream land and realizes she missed the end of the story as well.

“That’s how Fin always ends his. Oh look Calla’s asleep.” Coal looks over at his baby brother.

“And the storm passed.” Another yawn from Lib.

“And I think that yawn means bed time. Come on under the covers with both of you.”

Snuggling in her big bed like the boys are used too, everyone quickly fell into dream land

The Wood Chapter 3

Chapter 3~

For the past ten years, Cossette has been scaling the City’s wall to go to the Wood’s oldest oak to visit her dearest friend. Quitterfin hasn’t always lived in the Wood though. He began a very normal life with his parents, until the Dark Days. Those began with the death of his mother, when he was just a baby. Fin’s memory is outstanding. One day he was starring up into his mother’s peaceful green eyes and then it was brown, cold, pained ones the next. The contrast was strong enough to imprint itself in a young two year olds mind.  

His understanding has also always been ahead of its time. Quickly he realized his mother was the one that kept Quilyne accepted in the City. Quil would take Quitter to the Wood for weeks on end to study roots and enjoy nature. He did not depend on the Society’s doctors or fresh food supplies. Quil also did not agree with the politics and controlling demeanor of the Elders. With Quitter’s mother gone the fake acceptance that Quil and his son had received dissipated immediately. Quilyne’s wild ideas and head strong will lead to him getting expelled from the City.  

 The society has always strove to be a Utopia, and to expel any ideas that didn’t line up to the Elders perspective. Any person with vocal “wrong” ideas was given two warnings, then sent away to the Tower. The Tower is a tall building with one door that only opens from the outside. It’s about a half a day’s walk from the Wall in the opposite direction of the Wood. It’s heavily guarded with men who live in cabins surrounding it who provide basic human needs to the prisoners locked up inside.

Fin was just three on that Dark Day when he saw his father, “Crazy Quil” riding in a rickety old wagon, hands and feet bound. Quil had held his head high and reminded his son that he would always love him. An old woman took Quitter in, but at the tender age of eight he ran away to his father’s Wood.

Cos had literally stumbled over young Quitterfin, living like a Lost Boy sleeping under a tree. A young seven year old girl can’t keep the secret of a strange boy living in the feared woods for long. The fold accepted Quitter back in, blaming his wild up bringing to his bizarre antics. But after five years, Cos and Quitter made a pack. She provided basic needs for him and he taught her how to love the mysterious Wood and live off the land.

The oak, where Cos had first tripped over Quitter had become their secret spot. Together Quitter showed Cos a world beyond her imagination. It was in those adventures that Quitter fell deeply in love with the innocent, hope-filled young maiden. Watching her grow from a quirky preteen to a strong-minded 22 year old woman was astounding. An unexplainable and undeniable love that he had just began to act on.

The first time Quitter had invited Cos to the Wood, he had walked a well-worn path with his arm around her shoulders, keeping the cool night air away. By the third rendezvous, the two held hands and spoke about their dreams. This night is their fifth “date”.

“Fin? I can’t stay long… where are you?”

A distant voice called to her through the trees. “Right over here, by the creek.”

Glancing to her right she sees his strong masculine form in the moonlight and briskly walks toward his welcoming shape.

“Remember when we found the Lot Boys? It’s almost been a year now. Right over there by the boulder.” He stretches his arm to the left to point in the direction of the large rock. Cos ducks under it and tucks herself against his side.

“Calla came out first, and tripped right in to my arms. I lost my heart to his sweet chubby face right then!” A warm smile light up her face as the moon casts strange shadows over her small nose and rosy cheeks.

“Your idea to not tell the Society about them was right, Cos. Now with them behind those walls someone will see and report them… please come live in the forest with us!  I could build a cabin for them, for you…” he glances away, a little embarrassed but trying to sway her.

“The city knows I visit here. They monitor me very closely. I’m on lists! They expect me to abandon the school and run away to the woods. I can’t do that to the kids I’ve taught for years.”

“So you’re going to sacrifice me, for the bratty kids being raised in that brainwashing jail? How long did you think you could visit and not actually commit to something?” He pulls himself away from her touch.

“Fin, please stop!”

“For all you know the police will repossess the boys and take them away too. It would kill me if I was forced to abandon them like I was abandoned”

“Quitter, the City wouldn’t make those young boys field workers! Or send them to the Tower. Yes the Society is ridicules sometimes but not cruel!”

“Oh? Is that so? And sending a broken hearted man away to the Tower forcing his son to raise himself and care for a deranged old lady wasn’t cruel? That wasn’t cruel at all, what was I thinking!” His voice is saturated with sarcasm and his eyes daggers.

“I’m not going to talk to a brick wall Fin, calm down. I’ve got ears in high places; if I hear something is up I’ll walk the boys back to the cave. There’s no reason to stir up unnecessary worries.”  Frustration wells in her heart, she walks forward to the edge of the creek, turning her back to him.
“Cos…” His voice softens and he walks a step to her. “I’m sorry, I can’t trust the City. Maybe they have changed but I won’t trust in that. If you hear anything at all, please just grab the boys and bring them back to the cave.” Touching her arm, her body tenses.

“Of course.”
Peeking around her shoulder and putting his face close to hers he whispers, “Pinky promise?” His pirate grin dances across his face. She breaks, and a smile twitches at the corners of her mouth. Raising her hand up in a fist with her pinky up she wraps her finger around his which was waiting for her. She giggles at the old habit.

Slipping his other arm around her waist he twirls her to face him and tugs her close. His chin tucking her head close to his chest. His other hand gently g rubs the small of her back, which is finally not toward him anymore. Lifting her chin up with his thumb he gazes down into those much too trusting eyes.

“I like fighting with you, seeing your fiery side keeps things interesting.” The pirate smile is dancing again. He places a sweet kiss on her forehead and Cos’s cheeks redden slightly as her smile broadens.

“It’s…. it’s getting late. I should probably go home”

“Yeah… I guess you right.” Fin loosens his hold around his Heart and watches her slip out of his arms.

“Good night Fin.”

“Night Cos.” 

The Wood Chapter 2

Chapter 2~

            The walk through the Wood to the City’s gates was deathly quiet. The pull of Fin’s eyes as he bore a hole into Cos’ back as she walked away haunts her still. The four had passed a plethora of different shaped houses, some long or tall, short or stout, all covered in a rainbow of color choices. Upon arrival at her house the sound of disappointment oozes from the boys. A sturdy two story cabin-like house is going to be their “vacation”. No tree houses hiding in three trees in the center of the Wood creating a triangle and a getaway for each Lost. No splashing in the stream whenever the sun gets ready for bed. No hide and seek in the dead of night or scary stories around the fire pit with Fin rocking Calla to sleep. Everything the boys had begun to trust is now gone.

            The bright turquoise door opens easily as Calla stood up on tiptoes to twist the knob. No open mouthed cave to watch the sun wake up, the Lost snuggling together in the big bed with Fin just getting up to go fishing. The inside was worse. Four walls locking the three rambunctious boys and Cos in. The one long room has the purpose of three. Kitchen to the right, eating room center and to the left a cozy sitting room. Gently pushing the Lost to the back wall in the left corner up the stairs to the second floor put a little light back in their eyes.

            The upper part was similar except all four walls had large windows and the upper half of those windows could be pulled down letting the brisk spring air come inside. The front part of the room had ten desks pushed up against the two side walls with two large toy boxes on the back wall. A door was closed in between those boxes.

            Noticing the curiosity, Cossette nudged Libtree forward. As he went dashing across the floor to the door, Calla waddls toward one of the toy boxes and lifts the lid up. Coal goes to the left wall, the one facing the City’s wall, and stood on one of the desks to see through the top window, to the Wood Fin taught him to love.

            Though the back door only lead to a hallway with a couple bedrooms and a bathroom, the magic of a closed door broke the awkward strain.

            “You guys can share this room.” Swaying into the hallway and opening the first door on the left. “My room is this one.” She stretches out her arm and touches the door knob on the right wall. “And that second door to the left is the bathroom.”

            The room was bare. No fun hidey-holes or tall trees to climb in. Just one big bed pushed up against the back wall under the window and a dresser on the right wall. Unpacking didn’t take long.

            “Look Coal! If we stand on the bed and open the window we can crawl right out and into the tree out here!”

            “Your right Lib! Do you guys want to play out there before dinner?”

            “Is that ok Cossette?”

            “As long as you guys are careful it doesn’t matter to me Coal.”         

            Smiles, laughter, a little freedom in the tree and a light dinner created a relaxing first night in the new place. And tucked snuggly in bed, the Lost slept well as Cossette crept downstairs and out to the night sky.

The Wood Chapter 1

I will be posting the chapters of my new story up here, just the first draft mind you :) and id love feedback! heres chapter one

Chapter 1~

Tromping through the forest, a spirited maiden explores her favorite area of the woods. Trees tower over her head, growing past the ball of light that hangs in the sky. Spying a tree with branches low to the ground, she stepped up to the lowest branch, and began gracefully swinging and pulling herself to the top. Her brown hair with natural red and purple streaks is tied up in a tight bun on the nape of her neck. Making a birds call similar to a hawk, she leans out of the trees trying to see if her dearest friends are around.

            “Boys? Quitterfin? Callabear? Anyone?”

            No response. Just the twittering of the squirrels and whishing of the winds through the trees is all there is to break the silence.  With a sigh, she let go of the branch and jumped out away from the tree. Down she fell, arms open wide eyes tightly shut, her body limp.

            “Gotcha!” Strong arms caught when she neared the forest floor. “Cosette you should know by now, I’m not going to respond to your silly bird call!”

            “But must I purposefully fall from the tree without having visible knowledge that you are even here below waiting for me??” Her eyes pop open and stare into the strong, handsome face of her strange hero.

            “Can you see what holds the sun in the blue space above our heads? Do you know why the rivers rush in only one direction? No. you don’t. But you trust in the sun and the river anyway. Why can’t you trust me?”

            “Quitterfin”, she gasps to regain her breath, “those things don’t involve me catapulting my own body down to leafy floors below. Where’s Callabear, Libtree and Coal? And for your information I do trust you. I did jump if you didn’t notice. Now put me down!!” she pounded on Qutterfin’s chest halfheartedly as he walked toward a cave, Cossette still in his arms.

            “Well don’t you want to see the boys?” A roguish smile took over his face.

            “Don’t smile like that, you look like a pirate.”

            “Oh hush, we are almost in,” he chuckles.

Arriving at the cave he ducked his head under the low hanging entrance, and straightened his form once inside. Gently lowering Cosette’s shapely form down to the cool cavern floor, three human-like child beings came out from the shadowed corners. The Lost Boys came up to Cosette’s waist. She was only five feet herself.

“Cosy Cosy Cosy!” The Middle Lost spoke in a singsong voice.

“Hey Libtree, miss me?” She turned to Quitterfin “I really wish you would let me take them home. They need a home Fin, I can give them one.”

“They depend on me Cos, and I live here in the Woods. The City is for some people, but not for this one.” He hushed his tone, “why can’t you trust me like they trust me?”
            “I jump from trees and secretly get you food because you don’t want to have to follow the City’s rules. How is that not trusting?” Beginning to burn with anger she hisses back at him. “I want what’s best for these boys and it’s not…”

“It’s not what?” His eyes burned with anger matching her own.

“It’s not you Fin. You need help yourself and the King is willing to take you in!”

“I’m not bending to the society. You know my reasons. Please Cos, stay here with us! We can live in the Woods. I have for over ten years now.”

“The King doesn’t see you as he did your father.”

“Yeah well others do!!” His deep voice boomed, echoing through the cave. Looking down he saw CallaBear clinging to Cosette’s floor length multicolored skirt. Calla gave a whimper, and his lip puckered out. “Hey I’m sorry Cal.” His strong arms reached out. As he bent to his knees the young one’s height, Calla tucked himself further behind Cos.

“I’m taking them with me Fin, you can come too. But they need a home, education. I can give them that.”

Straightening back to his five feet 3 inch length, he responds. “I can teach them life lessons, show them the Woods that the City is so afraid of…” his voice trails off. It was no use.

“Coal, go pack up you and your brothers’ things, you’re going to come home with me for a while.” A warm smile light up her face. The boys began chattering and clumsily heading over to the nooks in the cave where they stored their treasures. The sun’s rays shown through and brought the big rot iron bed into light. Calla clambered up there and fetched a raggedy old teddy bear, missing an eye, then he stuffed it in the pack on the floor with the other clothing and precious gifts from the forest.

“Please Cos, don’t do this.” His strong hand reaches out and catches hers. His gaze holds her eyes in a trance. The resolve in her spirit begins to melt. Risking the chance to sway her mind he inches a step closer. It broke the moment. Shaking her hand out of his, she pulls back and hefts the pack onto her shoulders.

Starring into Fin’s never ending green eyes lined with misery all but broke her, stay logical Cos. It’s out of the question. The boys need you more. Trying to push away the feeling of guilt she reminds herself that.

“Ready Cos?” Calla timidly asks, tugging on her skirts, sensing something was going on between his two guardians.

“Um yeah, come on guys, I want to get home before dark.” Plastering on a smile she looks down into the trusting brown pools starring up at her.

“Is this like a vacation?” Coal finally speaks up. He being the oldest liked to be involved.

“Yes Coal…” Fin states in a faraway tone. As his three young charges head towards the gapping open mouth of the cave, he catches Cossette’s wrist. “Meet me tonight, ok? By the big oak like usual.” Those green eyes swallow Cossette in and squash her logic.

An inner voice tells Cos to relent as her violet eyes search his face. Her realistic mind is talking too.

“May... maybe. No promises.” His heart leaps in those deep forest green puddles. Goodness I need to toughen up some…

            “Are you coming Cosy? Again the oldest Lost.

Moving Forward

i can put on that face. walk around and through the motions
i am "strong"
but my clock strikes midnight and my glass shoes shatter.
as the sun goes to bed, the moon ignites the fire.
burning down the wooden wall i build up every morning, the dam breaks. my feelings erupt
im not moving forward, im just ignoring the issues. music sooths, and books encourage. but one kind word or one mean looks breaks me.
will i always feel hopelessness at night? when i am virtually alone...
will i ever move past?
i dont want hopelessness to be my middle name. i dont want fake to be either.

Borrowed by the Wind

The wind borrowed my hair today, it whipped it around my face.
some lose strands got caught on my lip gloss,
a few pieces decided to go for a swing as they went stroking away in the winds
i dont really mind, if the wind could use it or the birds, away they can fly

Cinderella doesnt walk on broken glass.
she takes off her slippers and dances along the sea shore.
taking it one day at a time
as sand grinds between her toes, the wind blows away all her worries

Slowly swinging back and forth
the cool winds rocked the hammock like a cradle
six rays of light cut through the clouds.
the wind didnt move them.
it must be peaceful up there, not icy cold and lonely

Protection

hand in hand.
such a small thing to consider.
fingers entwined in each others, his hand strong and masculine
how can his hand show protection just by hiding mine in his?

Whether brick or wood or weed, a house isnt home with the invisible bond
morter or string or nail can hold a building together.
but only
love can hold you together

The Tree

The tree might sway but the heart stays fast.
The skin might peel but the rush stays new
As the willow weeps with age, the blossom of love holds tight

The Tree

In a beautiful garden full of strong old oaks and towering plants one tree stands in the center. This tree thinks it to be so boring being just a tree. Nothing to do but sit and stand and watch. Unmoving sense planted.

Thwack. Thwack. Thwack. Her wood was being chipped away. She was being ripped away from her feet, her roots.

What’s happening? She questioned the other trees around her.

Those trees sagged their branches and mourned. The innocent tree had no control over anything that was going on. She didn’t know what they were going to do to her. The others did. They were tall enough to see the large hill recently cleared of brush.

She was scared. She didn’t know what the humans were going to do with her. Burn her up? Build a house? The trees surrounding her knew, but they thought her not knowing was better.

She wanted to brake and bend against the hands that carried her. She wanted to know, but she didn’t want to either…

A crowd, screaming and angry and crying and weeping. A mash of people and emotions. The tree was scared… to afraid to sway with the winds.

She was dropped onto one beaten man’s back. He was bleeding. Everywhere. Thorns were on his head. Flesh was gone from his back. His knees buckled as he carried the tree to what she thought to be her doom. He fell.

Another man emerged from the crowd.

“I will carry it”

Why? Why would you want to carry me? Let this man who has obviously done something very wrong be punished!” She had no control, this other man trudged her up to the top of a hill.

The man was injured. Not like the other wearing a thorned crown, but he was in pain. His face disappeared in the crowd after laying the tree down.

The battered man was tied down against her. The people were shouting:

“Kill him!”

“He has done nothing wrong!”

“Free him!”

The tree knew the man was innocent like her. She wanted to stop the suited warriors from nailing 3 large metal nails into him, and her. The pain she felt was nothing compared to what he was going through, she imagined.

The warriors lifted her up high atop the hill and drop her in a small ditch to hold her steady. She wanted to knock herself out and free the innocent man. She hadn’t the power anymore.

Please let him go! She cried, Hurt me instead! Burn me! Shape me! Let me mold! Anything, just free him!

Her silent please went unheard. Then she listened to the conversation the thorned man was having with the neighboring trees. Those trees had men hanging from them too. Those trees were mean and angry and filled up with hate.

“I forgive you…” The thorned man let out a wind of air. The tree felt her pain disappear. He forgives me! She thought. She didn’t know he had been talking to the men also on trees. I love you! What is your name? She wanted to yell out in joy! No one had ever been so kind to her.

“Jesus! Release the King! Release Jesus!”

I love you Jesus! Thank you for what you have done for me! And the others crying below. I am sorry you have been through so much! Jesus…

Jesus never heaved his chest again while nailed onto her…

She cried bitterly inside, sad and remorse. The crazy men who had killed her King pulled the tree down to the ground and undid the nails from him. The body was left to be cared for and the tree was carried away to a man who had purchased her for wood.

She lay rotting next to an empty tomb. Then soldiers and women and men came carrying Jesus. They laid him inside the stone burial chamber.  I can watch my king! I can make sure no harm comes to his body! She rejoiced.

Three days she laid there watching, waiting. Nothing happened. She slept. In her dreams she saw angels ascending from above and scaring the men away from the tomb. She imagined the bolder being rolled away and a bright shining light emerging from inside she dreamed two women came and one angel said

“Do not be afraid. Jesus is alive! He has risen!”

My King is alive! Praise be to God in the highest my Jesus is alive!

The Bracelet

A single chain lay delicately on a small, white, wrist.

Four small pendants hang in a single cluster.

Everything else the bracelet is plain, small, brassy, silver, chains interlocking together.

Just big enough to go around her wrist with a little extra room to dangle.

The first pendant is a dove. Its’ wings out spread. The other one is a pearl. The other two are a peace sign and a metal piece with the word peace engraved on it.

The cheaply made bracelet soon began to fall apart. The bird dropped first. The next one lost during the rain was the pearl. Soon she realized that all was left was peace.

The peace sign seemed so ugly next to the peace emblem.

She ripped the bracelet from her wrist and grabbed her jewelry pliers. She ripped off the peace sign and fixed the bracelet to make sure the one lasting pendant stayed.

Peace. She felt peace wash over her. A peace only the Savior could give. The small chain with the single pendant hanging from it is a continuing reminder that God gives her peace.

No one but Him.

Words (a 5 part poem)

Caged Words.

I never liked words.

They were each a cage, locking their sounds and meanings up deep inside without me.

I never could break those words out.

I never could free

them.

Quickly, I grew tired of the challenge.

Finding the key to release the poor helpless word was just too hard.

I hated them. The words

Anger and sadness filled my heart.

It wasn’t the words that deserved that hate though

It was me.

~~~~

Caged Bird

Denial. Blame.

i blamed the words, i denied it being my problem, for I knew if i admitted, if I told the silent symbols it was my fault, my hate would change to self-loathing

It did…

Disgust. Worthlessness. Disappointment. Self-esteem. Stupidity.

It wasn’t the words that were caged

i was the caged voice, trying to find her voice

I was the caged bird.

i had nothing, i wanted words, craved them. Needed them.

My soul was parched

Years of work, to free them. But no, no one knew it was me who needed to be free

They thought the words were to blame

No one knew it was the words flying away on the page, the meaningless mute lines that needed to be caught.

The voiceless, caged girl who needed to be freed.

A voiceless bird, a worthless bird.

Wings but nowhere to fly

Intelligence but no key

If I could not have a voice through words, I would have one through song

~~~

Caged Voice

One source of freedom, a different kind of voice, one I loved but not the one I needed… still I was grateful

A caged bird I was, but a singing one

I know why the caged bird sings,

I was a caged bird.

I had no words, but the cage could not lock my voice as well as my mind.

I wanted to know what was behind the wall! I wanted to understand what mysteries the lines without meanings held within them. I couldn’t catch those words as they flew around me, whizzing by my ears, just out of my grasp.

But I could catch song. Words put to music. The rhythm I could feel, their meanings not so much a mystery

The heart inside me beating fast for the words was

slowed

Singing was my Novocain. The pain was not all the way gone, but numbed. but not for long.

I know why the caged bird sings. I was one. My only freedom

I needed words, but I only received a voice. My only freedom.

~~~

Caged Book

Hidden in a book, the symbols were beginning to slow down

Reading. The gift of reading given as the yearning for words began to throb again.

Song cannot replace word

The weight of the shelves grew

My mind stretched.

They were just out of my grasp!

Come to me, come words, please I need you!

They didn’t hear. The throb of the need for the words returned.

Song cannot replace word

Books could not replace words

Emotions swirled.

Did those marks covering the pages have meanings?

Losing hope quickly…

~~~~

Caged Chained Lost Found

Longing. Desire. Free the mysteries, please…

After traveling along on a long treasure hunt, the keys were found

Ivy, Mom, and Barton were their names.

I was free

Sharpening my pencil, wiring more and more to grow in skill

my books were still my

escape.

My song was still my

release.

But words took the need away, Filled the need

Words took their rightful place.

I needed words

I was caged and given song

I was chained and given books

I was lost and given keys

I was found by words

I know what the caged bird does when she does not sing,

She writes,

she reads

She writes, 

she reads

           She writes

Age

My Body ages before I do.

Glasses at age 11, bifocals at 15

I can’t figure out how to use most electronics, and I’m always forgetting names and birthdays

Oh, and one more thing, a nerve problem in my arms from knitting and texting too much, and using my computer at the wrong height.

Talk about old…

But in appearance no one knows my age or grade?!?

No I’m not in 8^th grade, no I’m not 13. Can you all just stop asking??

How ironic, old on the inside, but young outside.

But my kindred heart balances it out

The Desk

The Desk

is shoved in the nook in her room.

It bears the weight of school books, clothes, and craft supplies.

As the owner cleans her room, objects begin to migrate in to the desk

No other place to go you see

Every no and then the desk is cleared off for a painting day, but besides that,

she waits diligently in her nook,

a most useful piece indeed.

Surrounded

Surrounded

by all the clutter sends this young girl into hysterics! To make up for her mother’s messes everywhere in the house, she goes crazy on her own room.

OCD Girl to the rescue!!

Her room is pristine, the bathroom practically power washed down, the living room dust and clutter free.

The tornado takes in after that. She dares not touch the rest of the house,

But being content with just three rooms up to her OCD standards drives her mad! So off she goes to reorganize the clean and clutter free boxes underneath her bed,

It’s not that she doesn’t have anything to do with her spare time, its just a mess everywhere else makes her insane.

Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome… insanity

Painting the Door

Music plays, one young girl bends over a door lying on a table, paint brush in hand.

Glancing at her sketches she begins to recreate a starry night theme.

Her best friend is singing along with the music, watching her little brother light a fire on the cement.

Once that panel of the door is painted the girl begins to prep her pie tin with the next colors needed.

Gently swishing her hips and singing along she starts the next panel.

Baby brother has a metal grate set up over his small fire; he’s heating up lunch meal…

Putting the tin pan aside, they begin dancing to a favorite song, the sun is sinking low, and flies are buzzing around

After painting each panel and doing a few designs on the outside, the door is finished.

A relaxing, calm evening, painting a door and watching Jake almost light the porch on fire. Pretty normal actually…

Mini pizzas and music, paint and fire. Such an odd combination, but a good way to start off the week. Top that off with some glee and the young girl couldn’t be happier.

Yes there are several weeks of school left, but now its bearable.

Jumble Poem

With no inspiration how is one supposed to write the assigned poems? I certainly don’t know

Tv is boring, the house is wreck, on the bright side my iPod docking station has been ordered.

On the Brightside is a great song, I love that song, nevershoutnever is a fantastic band.

I have no coordination, yet I have pretty darn good balance.  I’ve never been able to ride a skateboard, or a bike very well.

But I can memorize lines, not homework assignments.

How ironic. It must be psychological.

The sun needs to come out today; I need a friend to walk with me to the beach. I wouldn’t want to get mugged or kidnapped. If I was kidnapped I would be returned, I talk too much and I’d scare the bad guys away. Or I’d scream so loud their eardrums would shatter.

Have you ever tried to give a monkey a shower? Or a hamster a bath? I’ve done the latter, it’s not that fun. At least I could control a hamster, not my crazy dog.

What is a title sequence?

Who invented texting? Will my summer be a bummer? I need to sweep my floors. I think this poem is done.

Or maybe not, look how much page is left!

Purple is my favorite color, I love sunflowers and reading in the sun. (this is what my bio on a dating site would be, if I ever join one, I don’t think I will I’d probably get kidnapped, but then I’d just get returned…)

Breakfast time?

Im going to send this computer in, the little wire thing doesn’t sense internet anymore. Just my luck. Electronics hate me. But that’s ok cuz I don’t like them either.

That’s enough page, time to type my name at the bottom

Good bye J

The Cottage's Checkerboard

Diamonds cover the floor

Titling your head they turn into checkerboard spots

Falling from the ceiling, black and red circular tiles plop.

They begin to play! Move after move, red wins.

A dog pile commences, both teams end up laughting and encouraging one another.

The pieces begin to stand, transforming into children.

If only, if only teens could play this nice, and adults

If only, if only kids could get along without teasing each other

The checkerboard will sit and wait for the next round

Patient and excited about what is to come

If teenagers come to play, the competition will get fierce

If adults come to play, the game will be put on hold several times,

They have their email and cell phone breaks

But if the children return, joy and happiness will overtake the cottage!

And so the checkerboard waits in the cottage,

patiently...

The Reaction

The Reaction

The wind blows,

And the tree shakes.

Stagnant rain clinks on the roof, a twinkling tin sound booms

The wind blows,

And the windows quiver,

Sending a shiver through the house

The wind blows,

And the clouds float,

Mad to be moved from their spots.

The wind blows,

And the boat rocks

Throwing the fisher off kilter

The wind blows,

And the world shakes

In reaction

Swelling (2011)

My skull is shrinking, or is my brain growing?

I feel the swelling, throbbing pain, breaking my train of thought.

Ibuprofen isn’t strong enough. Sleep only brings so much relief when it reaches me.

Afternoon rolls around and the headache, the shrinking skull, the swelling brain begins again.

TV is a white noise, agitating not distracting. Computer time is just another screen. My eyes blur over the pages of my favorite books.

Painting. My only escape. A calming, stress-free feeling over takes me. Finally a source of relief!

At least one thing helps…

Oh gosh, the dog.

Just as the swelling starts to stop, his bark pierces the air.

I give up!

Time to paint

The White Board (Late 2010)

The White Board

The whiteboard hangs on the wall.

 People walk by and write on it.

 It conforms to the ways of others, it can’t help it.

The people think their mean comments and shrewd drawings don’t hurt it, but they do.

The teacher walks in when the whiteboard has had enough.

He erases the stains and rude comment and pictures.

He makes it clean again!

The people come back,

they always do.

 But every time the whiteboard calls,

the teacher comes…

You

 you are that whiteboard.

 The people you hang out with, the things they do, affect you.

But the teacher, the shepherd, the king, the wonderful counselor

comes to clean you when you ask.

No matter what you have done or how much you have conformed to the ways of this world,

He erases.

He forgets.

The Gap (2010)

I am hoping that my loved ones will help fill the gap,

But it only pacifies the hunger for a time.

But this desire, this always thirsty, almost guilt wins out.

I go crawling back to you, ready to give up my pride and try again

Even though I know I will become prideful again, rude, unlovable and cocky again!

…but for now I want to try, need to try to beat my self, beat my struggles and

win with Christ as my driver.

I am just the co-pilot

 wanting more attention,

 not deserving it

 but getting it anyways.